So What's Your Diagnonsense?

The fact that you asked me this on this blog and that you mention his name makes me really eager to find out who you are. Hmm. I bet my bottom you’re my dgroup mate. Lol. But it’s okay if you don’t tell me.

To answer that,

Things have been going not-so-great with him. We decided to put God in the center of our friendship and focus on winning people for His kingdom and changing to become the right GB. Not to mention waiting for the time when God gives us the go signal to be together again. This made it so much easier at first but then I kinda noticed that he stopped changing for the better. He’s a changed man but somehow, he just stopped growing. I mean, he is still but in smaller steps. I know he’s better than what he’s doing now. He made promises and he didn’t keep any. He stopped talking to me and he sort of just replaced me and left me like that. He told me to trust him and so I did. Now I’m disappointed because it seems to me that he forgot all the while I was gone and I think he’s enjoying life without me.

Maybe he just grew tired. I feel like a mom, you know? I was there for him since his “playboy/flirty” days till now. I AM still there for him. I’m really just a text or call away but he doesn’t need me. He’s all “grown up” now with his NEW friends and he’s changed. I try not to think that all these years I didn’t know that I wasn’t as important to him as he was to me. 

Last night God asked me why I stayed with the “unchanged Enzo” when I first met him. It made me really think a lot. And everyone knows how little patience I had for people like him those days yet I put up with all his crap. Maybe it really was God’s design for me to love him from the start.

So, you can probably say that I’m doing pretty well. God has really been molding me into learning to trust Him more and surrender to His will. I tried talking to Enzo and I think I just pissed him off, I don’t know. Right now, I’m just counting on prayers. Mosdef the Lord will speak to Him. 

Everytime I see his name, I hurt a little inside. Wait, I hurt A LOT. But then God reassures me that in the end, it won’t be. I am keeping the promise of waiting for him. I love him that much and I will. So one day, if ever he would love me back, i’d be confident that I proved myself worthy enough. While waiting, I am focusing on becoming God’s best and on my relationship with Jesus. 

We don’t talk. Like I said, he probably doesn’t need me in his life anymore. But perhaps one day God would move him. If that time never comes, then it’s just not my loss. But I’ll always be here for him. No matter what. I’ve  learned to forgive every pain he’s caused. The Holy Spirit has moved me. I still believe he’s the one. The most important thing on my GB list is that he has to be my best friend from since I was 12/13. So, God knows. :-) I’m going to wait.